Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
