Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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