Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
