How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
