told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
