Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I want a musical about memes.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
