she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
