I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
