just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
