I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
