That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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