after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
