Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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