I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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