Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
