Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
