My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
