That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
