Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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