Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
