i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
