shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
