I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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