my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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