i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
