Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
