I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
