____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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