you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize