He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
