Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
