I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
