I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
two words...techno handjob
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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