Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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