there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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