I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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