She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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