Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
