If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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