I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
