I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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