I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
