I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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