Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
