Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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