Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
