Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
