dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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