I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
