you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
