The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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