No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
