Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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