you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
