I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
