i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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