theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
