Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
sarcasm needs its own font
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
