I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
