Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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