Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i need some magic done to my vagina
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
