I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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