you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
