I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
