My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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