He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
