What did we do last night that was yellow?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
