I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
